Week 9 Picks

Mike here. It's a special edition of my picks this week. Instead of waiting until the last minute, I'm putting time and effort into these games. Also, I'm making these picks without knowing the line. When you've put together consecutive 9-win weeks, a little thing like knowing the spread will not stand in my way. So Joe, you go ahead and put in the numbers -- my wins will fall in line accordingly.

Thursday Night
KC @ (-8.5) SD
Mike: SD. This is a game all about humiliation. The Chargers were humiliated last week at Cleveland so they return to their digs to prove they are indeed a .500 team. And poor Matt Cassel, after suffering pro football's indignation of being benched for Brady Quinn, only to get the job back when Brady got facialed, is out to prove that he can put nearly 13 points on the board.
Joe: SD. Something about that lightning bolt on the helmet really electrifies me.
Final: San Diego by 18. If Alabama and Oregon combined players, they would beat KC. (JM)

Sunday:
BAL @ (+3.5) CLE
Mike: CLE. Joe Haden says the Browns have narrowed the gap in the AFC North. That is to say, instead of being 10 wins worse than the front runners, they're only about 8 games worse. At this rate, we're looking at a 37-yr old Brandon Weeden taking the Browns all the way to a Wildcard appearance. When that happens, I'd like to see Kelly Holcomb inducted into the Browns Ring of Honor. On a side note, this will also be one of those rare games where the Browns are on my local TV so I'll be able to use my Mac to keep tabs on my fantasy team instead of streaming an illegal feed from messi2day.com or directtv.me, which I've only heard about on message boards.
Joe: CLE. Your pessimism about the Browns hurts me to my core. My cold, depressed, resin-filled core.With a win, Shurmer would become this.
Final: Baltimore by 10. Classic Browns loss. Terrible coaching and play-calling lead to an early 14-0 deficit, followed by even worse coaching and play-calling lead to 5 red zone FGs, and finally capped off by a knife through warm butter game winning drive by the Ravens. Oh yeah, then there was that crazy, inexcusable 4th down attempt by Shurmer from his own 30 with 4 minutes to go and 2 timeouts down by 7 that went terribly. He should have dropped his headset and walked to the exit with middle fingers raised like he owns the Titans. (xx)

DEN @ (+3.5) CIN
Mike: DEN. I admit it. I thought Peyton was licked , washed up. I thought there would no way he would ever recover. But now there's no doubt. Peyton is back -- and in more commercials than I would have ever thought possible.
Joe: DEN. With every AFC North loss, the Browns stay closer to the pack. Just because.
Final: Denver by 8. Manning toyed with the Bengals in the second half before putting them away. (JM)

AZ @ (-10.5) GB
Mike: GB. Now just watch -- the Packers will be an 18 pt favorite and will win by 17 allowing Joe, picking his Super Bowl pick Cardinals, to claim victory.
Joe: GB. After the stink-fest of an offensive performance the Cardinals had on Monday night, I can't pick them in Green Bay to keep it any closer.
Final: Green Bay by 14. Didn't watch any of it and don't feel I missed anything. Rodgers is back in the MVP hunt. (JM)

CHI @ (+3.5) TEN
Mike: CHI. Let's give props to Brian Uhrlacher. How he can text with thumbs the size of cucumbers is amazing.
Joe: TEN. I would think tackling with thumbs that big would be even more of a challenge. Or cuddling.
Final: Chicago by 31. This was embarrassing, just ask Bud Adams. (M)

MIA @ (+2.5) IND
Mike: IND. Did you know, the Dolphins are 17-67 alltime when playing north of the Ohio River in November during a waning gibbous? Fortunately, you can throw out all the stats because Ryan Tannehill's wife is hot. I learned this from Joe.
Joe: IND. But Tannehill is hobled so I'll take the points and Luck.
Final: Indianapolis by 3. Luck only set a new rookie record for passing yards in a game (433) while adding a game-winning drive to his resume. Also, he's in the MVP hunt. (JM)

CAR @ (-3.5) WAS
Mike: CAR. I heard on the radio today about the best kid's costume in the DC area -- some kid dressed as that Star Wars robot while wearing mismatched knee high socks and dreads: RG3 D2. A Google image search pulls up nothing. No Link For You! Anyway, Panthers keep it close enough to cover.
Joe: WAS. Comparing RGIII to Cam is like comparing my car to the Mars Rover.
Final: Carolina by 8. Shannahan is looking to next year after this loss. Weird because the have no draft picks, good luck. (M)

DET @ (+3.5) JAX
Mike: JAX. I think I have picked Detroit every single week. No more. I picked the Tigers to win the World Series. Dead wrong. Jacksonville -- we're in this together.
Joe: DET. Never give up on Detroit. The City that Never...wait, The Windy...no, The City of Brotherly...Steel City?? What were we talking about again??
Final: Detroit by 17. Jacksonville is well on it's way to a top 3 pick, while the Lions seek their first back to back trips to the playoffs since Lincoln's presidency. (J)

BUF @ (-10.5) HOU
Mike: HOU. After a week to heal and plot out the rest of the regular season, the Bills are in deep trouble. Bonus prediction: The Texans will score more in the first quarter than the Bills will score all game.
Joe: HOU. You aren't accounting for garbage time TDs that will kill the bonus prediction.
Final: Houston by 12. They were nice to keep it this close. (JM)

TB @ (-1.5) OAK
Mike: TB. My Rookie of the Year pick just earned Rookie of the Month. How's your pick doing?
Joe: TB. Lies, its all lies. Lies, Lies, Lies, YEEEAAAHH!!!
Final: Tampa Bay by 10. Somehow this was the week I went against Doug Martin (251 yds, 4 TDs) in 2 fantasy leagues and amazingly I won one of them. (JM)

MIN @ (-4.5) SEA
Mike: MIN. Complain all you want about Cleveland's terrible quarterbacks over the years but these two teams share the misery. Literally. Spurgeon Wynn and Kelly Holcomb both started for the Vikings after leaving Cleveland, while former Browns' Seneca Wallace, Charlie Frye and Trent Dilfer also started for Seattle. That's just weird. (Even weirder than two Holcomb references in the same blog post.)
Joe: SEA. Give me Seattle's D and 12th man over Ponder's noodle arm.
Final: Seattle by 10. Kelly Holcomb isn't walking through that door. (J)

PIT @ (-3.5) NYG
Mike: NYG. I make this pick on behalf of guest reader (and our third page view of the week) The Elusive Doc Landis, who asked twice for this link and may actually be reading. This link is for you. (This link is for me.)
Joe: NYG. Every AFC North loss...
Final: Pittsburgh by 4. I really, really hate them. (xx)

DAL @ (-4.5) ATL
Mike: ATL. Bold prediction of the year: the 2012 Atlanta Falcons will not lose a game at home this year -- including playoffs. I make all my predictions halfway through the season.
Joe: DAL. Romo throws 8 INTs but yet somehow has the ball in the final minute with a chance to win the game. Until Dez Bryant punches a cheerleader.
Final: Falcons by 6. I still don't believe in the Falcons. (M)


Monday Night:
PHI @ (-3.5) NO
Mike: PHI. It's do or die for Mr Vick tonight -- ironically, the same position many of his little friends faced. Knowing that the Saints have a voodoo spell on their season (payback for that '09 deal with the devil), I see the Eagles with a no-points-needed upset at the dome. But I'll take those points just in case.
Joe: NO. Not quite the matchup they thought they were getting. The buzz now surrounds Sean Payton's future. How much money would Haslem have to throw his way to make him consider coaching the Browns?? $10 Million?? $20?? $50??? And I changed my pick last second to make it interesting. (By last second I mean, Sunday Morning)
Final: New Orleans by 15. I think Vick just got sacked again. (J)

Mike: 9-5
Joe: 9-5