Week 13 Picks

Thanksgiving Day
I'm Thankful the Browns lasted 12 weeks into relevancy. Buster Skrine pointed out yesterday that they're still playing to get into the playoffs but we all know the reality.

Green Bay (+6.5) @ Detroit
Joe: DET. Matt Flynn v Fat Tony Romo. Flynn threw 6 TDs v the Lions back in 2011, 6!! How did that happen?? He's terrible. I could really use Stafford accomplishin that same feat to help my fantasy playoff push, right now I'm on the outside looking in. I'll keep you posted.
Mike: DET. With all these teams struggling without their marquis players (Aaron Rodgers, Julio Jones) it goes to show that teams need playmakers. The Browns have one playmaker: Josh Gordon. If they find somebody to complement him, maybe they won't have the worst offense of the 21st century. And with Rodgers out, the Packers are a below avg team, more than a TD worse than the Lions who always seem to lose on Thanksgiving.
Final: DET 40-10. Aaron Rodgers is giving thanks for his moustache growing abilities.

Oakland (+8.5) @ Dallas
J: OAK. McGloin is the Ginger Tony Romo.
M: DAL. Romo is the small school McGloin.
Final: DAL by 7. Thanks to a last minute field goal, the Raiders cover.

Pittsburgh (+2.5) @ Baltimore
J: BAL. Whoever wins, Cleveland's still the loser.
M: BAL. As my buddy Pete wrote, "Happy thanksgiving to all!  Let's end the the day with Flacco and Roethlisberger both being carted off the field!"
F: BAL 22-20. The dreaded half point dooms both of us. I don't even know if there were any injuries. But let's look on the bright side -- the Steelers lost.

Sunday:
Jacksonville (+7.5) at Cleveland
Joe: JAX. You have questions, I have answers. The Browns will win another game this year, they do still have the Jets on the schedule. Alex Hanney will not be the next Hoyer because it's actually Alex Tanney and he will start a game this season. Gordon will easily get 300 yards, maybe even in this game. There will be no 500 yard rusher for the Browns, although TRich won't get there either. He's at 287 and just got demoted behind Donald Brown. Benjamin's electricity remains intact thanks to the brilliance of modern technology. They will not trade up in the draft this year and the first two picks will be QB/WR in either order.
Mike: JAX. Will the Browns win another game this year? Will Alex Hanney be the next Brian Hoyer? Will Josh Gordon get 300+ more receiving yards this year to supplant Braylon Edwards as the All Time Cleveland Browns Single Season Receiving Yardage Leader? Will Cleveland have a 500 yard rusher this season? Will Travis Benjamin be as electric next year post-injury? Will the Browns deal their #8 and #26 picks to move up to take a franchise quarterback? See... all questions about the Browns always come back around to the draft. It's our Super Bowl.
Final: JAX 32-28. The first seven losses of a season are painful. After that, nothing hurts. I wasn't even in my usual post-loss bad mood after this collapse. I saw it coming a week ago. (Sidenote: If the Browns draft a top notch QB and sign a receiver, they really won't be that bad next year.)

Tennessee (+4.5) at Indianapolis
Joe: TEN. This is wishful thinking. The Colts, surely, can't fall double digits behind again.
Mike: IND. Consider this a playoff game for the Titans. With a win, they pull within one of the Colts in the AFC West. The Titans always play tough against their divisional foe but this time, I think Indianapolis breaks it open early. Look for Trent Richardson to have his best day of the year: 5 carries, 13 yards and a post-game sex fest with five women instead of the usual four.
Final: IND 22-14. Richardson with 5 carries for 19 yards. I don't know if I nailed the second part of that predicktion.

Tampa Bay (+8.5) at Carolina
Joe: TB. Carolina will win but they'll have to work in the 4th quarter.
Mike: CAR. With a Panther win and Saints loss, suddenly Cam's boys are in contention to win the division and send the Saints on the road for the playoffs.
Final: TB 27-6. Smooth sailing for the Panthers. They're putting the pressure on the Saints.

Chicago (+1.5) at Minnesota
Joe: MIN. Upset of the week. Even though their favored.
Mike: MIN. Adrian Peterson only needs 1,108 yards over these last five games to break Eric Dickerson's single season rushing record.
Final: MIN by OT FG. Peterson breaks 10,000 career rushing yard mark. Would you still take Joe Thomas over Peterson if you had to do it over again?

Arizona (+3.5) at Philadelphia
Joe: ARI. It'll be a FG game, maybe I'll win with a half point for once.
Mike: PHI. Irrelevant stat of the day: Michael Vick has started four games at QB this year -- and he has more RUSHING yards than anybody for the Browns.
Final: PHI 24-21. The half-point tallies are starting to even out. You get a non-scoring bonus point for the accurate prediction.

Miami (+2.5) at New York Jets
Joe: MIA. I picked up Miami's defense for this week.
Mike: NYJ. Here it is. Your never-would-have-guessed-it surprise playoff team of 2013. With four winable games (Miami twice, Cleveland, Oakland) out of their final five, a 9-7 record sneaks them into the playoffs -- where they'll promptly lose by 30 againt whomever they face.
Final: MIA 23-3. Now I'm starting to hate the Jets.

New England (-8.5) at Houston
Joe: NE. I feel no sympathy for any sucky team ever. NINE losses in a row for the Texans and they probably will win the #1 pick.
Mike: NE. Poor Texans don't stand a chance.
Final: NE 34-31. Last time Houston picked #1 overall, they took Mario Williams over Reggie Bush. The next two picks were Vince Young and D'Brickashaw Ferguson. Bletch!

Atlanta (+3.5) at Buffalo
Joe: BUF. I think I should have picked up the Bills D instead. Too much tinkering.
Mike: BUF. I'd need to verify with the Mike Vs Joe archives, but this might be the first time I picked Buffalo this year. Again, if you're Tony Gonzalez, why didn't you accept a trade back to Kansas City?
Final: ATL by OT FG. You made the right choice with the Miami defense.

St. Louis (+9.5) at San Francisco
Joe: STL. All could be true but the Rams D will keep this close.
Mike: SF. The 49ers got crushed twice early in the season but since then, they had a 5 game winning streak then lost twice by a total of four points. Coming off a convincing win at Washington, the 49ers are in cruise control and will finish 11-5.
Final: SF 23-13. Jeff Fisher faked a punt from their own 20 and it failed miserably.

Cincinnati (+1.5) at San Diego
Joe: SD. The Browns are still in it... mathematically.
Mike: SD. Leave it to Cincinnati to Bungle away their divisional lead.
Final: CIN 17-10. We were both wrong. Bengals up two games in the division. That's ok I suppose.

Denver (-5.5) at Kansas City
Joe: KC. I've picked Denver in every other matchup site I'm nerdily involved in so I'm changing it up.
Mike: DEN. A very interesting matchup. Both teams 9-2 but the Chief's losses both within the division. I'd like to see them knock off the Broncos but I don't think it's going to happen.
Final: DEN 35-28. You're like Mike Golic filling out 64 different March Madness brackets. If you pick Denver on all the other sites, stick with your Integrity.

NY Giants (-1.5) at Washington
Joe: WAS. I have a feeling RGIII pulled a rabbit out of his dreads in this one and gets positive press for a week. That or he gets hurt and Kurt Cousins wins the game triggering 'TRADE RGIII' websites all over the capital. This is me in a nutshell.
Mike: NYG. I'm too emotional to make a good GM. I remember how ticked I was when the Browns traded Richardson but now it appears to have been brilliant. And a year earlier, it appeared Cleveland was completely schnookered by Washington's trade to scoop up the Rams' draft pick to grab Ragdoll Griffin The Third. Not looking so great now. This is his career in a nutshell.
Final: NYG 24-17. Michaels and Collinsworth were breathless at the official's incompetance but it didn't matter when Garcon let the ball get ripped out of his hands. Great defensive play by the Giants.

Monday Night
New Orleans (+5.5) at Seattle
Joe: NO. Too many adderall addicts missing in the Seahawks secondary and Mr. Brees will take advantage.
Mike: SEA. I'm doing it. I'm picking against the Saints. Their defense is still terrible and it's tough to win when it's 11-on-12.
Final: SEA 34-7. The worst loss for the Saints since Ditka left town.

Joe: 6-10
Mike: 9-7