Week 5

Thursday Night
Buffalo (+3.5) at Cleveland
Joe: CLE. The Tribe killed me (and all Cleveland fans) last night so everyone is looking for a pick-me-up from the up and coming Browns. I'm very scared to pick them but they've actually been pretty good on Thursday nights the past few years (still waiting on Elias for confirmation). So here it is, Hoyer moves to 3-0 and the Browns into 1st place alone with a 27-17 win over the Bills.
Mike: CLE. I don't want to go so far as to feeling confident. But I feel pretty good about the Browns pulling out a win here. Just thank god this isn't a Season Opener at Home, because then they'd have no chance.
Final: CLE 37-24. Time to pick up Brandon Weeded in your fantasy leagues.

Sunday
New Orleans (-1.5) at Chicago
Joe: NO. The Saints are still doling out punishment for last year's sanctions and continue their Sherman-like march through the NFC.
Mike: CHI. If the Saints are to win in Chicago, they should do it now because they sure won't be able to do it in January.
Final: NO 26-18. What kind of stupid score is 26-18? If that was the number that was drawn in the Super Bowl pool, you wouldn't have a chance of collecting on that one.

New England (-2.5) at Cincinnati
Joe: NE. I'll take your advice and enjoy rooting for another AFC North loss.
Mike: CIN. Bill Belichick's Island of Misfit Toys always wins the close ones. And the Bengals always seems to blow it. So this pick makes no sense but I'm sticking with it.
Final: CIN 13-6. The last time the Patriots were held to less than a touchdown, they were shutout by Joey Harrington's Dolphins.

Detroit (+3.5) at Green Bay
Joe: GB. Shootout in Wisconsin but the Lions aren't quite ready to win this game.
Mike: GB. The Lions are obviously focused on next week's matchup vs Cleveland.
Final: GB 22-9. Things may have been different if Calvin Johnson was there to drop touchdown passes on his way back up to his feet.

Kansas City (-3.5) at Tennessee
Joe: KC. You finally pick KC and finally get a win.
Mike: KC. If any road team is a lock for this week, it must be KC. Ryan Fitzpatrick is no Brian Hoyer.
Final: KC 26-17. Ryan Fitzpatrick was no Brian Hoyer.

Seattle (-3.5) at Indianapolis
Joe: SEA. I'm still rooting for the Colts to lose every week.
Mike: SEA. The Seahawk defense will only play better in the dome, even without their 12th man.
Final: IND 34-28. The brilliance of Luck was enough to offset the disappointment of Richardson.

Jacksonville Hahaha (+7.5) at St. Louis
Joe: STL. Even St. Louis can look good for a game.
Mike: STL. Winless teams in NFL history: The 1976 Buccaneers. The 2008 Detroit Lions. The 2013 Jacksonville Jaguars. The 2014 Pittsburgh Steelers.
Final: STL 34-20. If the Rams beat the Jags by two touchdowns, really, is 28 points enough for next week's spread against the Broncos?

Baltimore (+3.5) at Miami
Joe: MIA. You take the points and sho... That's inappropriate. Miami will welcome seeing the Ravens after having to visit the Saints last Monday night.
Mike: BAL. I realize the Maryland team is missing some parts from last year's squad but it's amazing the lack of respect the oddsmakers are giving them. I love it. (But I'll still take the points.)
Final: BAL 26-23. This is still the Dolphins we're talking about.

Philadelphia (+1.5) at NY Giants
Joe: PHI. I think Eli just got sacked again.
Mike: PHI. Usually homefield is worth three points. In this game, you get a point and a mugging.
Final: PHI 36-21. To be fair, you would have been mugged in Philadephia also.

Carolina (+1.5) at Arizona
Joe: CAR. He 'playing' on my fantasy team. By the way, I'm winless.
Mike: CAR. Here's a name I haven't heard this year: Cam Newton. Is he still playing? Did he retire?
Final: ARI 22-6. I finally saw Cam -- shaking his head on the sidelines. Ron Rivera is on suicide watch. (The Cam Newton to Cleveland rumors are already starting.)

Denver (-10.5) at Dallas
Joe: DAL. Nice pick in honor of Jinx the Cat.
Mike: DEN. Not to jinx Peyton, but who's the backup in Denver? (Did I jinx him? Hope I jinxed him.)
Final: DEN 51-48. Last team to score 48 points and lose -- the Houston Oilers with 49 points in a losing effort in 1963. George Blanda vs Tom Flores.

Houston (+2.5) at San Francisco
Joe: SF. You're so old.
Mike: SF. Seeing Arian Foster and Ben Tate unhappy about their roles reminds me of the Cleveland Browns running back situation in the early 1980s. Finally, a compromise was reached where both running backs would be named Pruitt and wear 34 and 43 respectively.
Final: SF 34-3. I prefer "wise."

San Diego (-4.5) at Oakland
Joe: SD. This game starts at 11:30 eastern and will still kill baseball in ratings.
Mike: SD. I would prefer to see Terrell Pryor go off for six touchdowns here but surely there must be some rust under those tattoos.
Final: OAK 27-17. Not even the MLB starts games at 11:35pm eastern.

Monday Night
NY Jets (+9.5) at Atlanta
Joe: ATL. I hope its 56-0.
Mike: ATL. This will be an absolutely slaughter. Falcons by 30.
Final: NYJ 30-28. We don't do this for a living.

Week 5 Results
Joe: 8-6
Mike: 8-6